闇の末裔 Yami no Matsuei – Un Wanted Visitor
by ShimaSoka
Summary: Hisoka X Tsuzuki Hisoka has become a shinigami and has called in sick after a Muraki rampage case. Tsuzuki is worried and has gone over to Hisoka's house. but will Hisoka accept Tsuzuki? at this late hour? or will he kick him out.


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_**Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters.**_

_**warnings: yaoi, male x male love including lemon and detailed sex don't like, don't read**_

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闇の末裔, _Yami no Matsuei_ – (Un) Wanted Visitor

Here I was …

How many hours had passed by now?

Sixteen? Twenty? Forty-Eight maybe?

I can't remember. It's not even important either.

Last thing I remember… a white hospital room and that boring ceiling.

Emptiness…Loneliness…Cold…. And then? Only darkness.

Death sure was an easy thing.

But after that, after I had died… everything had gone so fast.

Shinigami lessons, Judging hall, tests, inspections, training, more tests, some schooling, then came something they called "Reason testing". Like I needed a reason to become a shinigami.

It's the worst job ever I can tell you that.

Taking lives of others as if you're an murderer yourself. But hey someone has to do it. So why not just me… at least that was what I was thinking.

At least in this way… Revenge was guaranteed.

But that aside. In the end there was this release form, though it looks more like a graduation paper saying: "Shinigami Degree 1".

Fuda level 1, Okay so I suck at paper magic, who cares.

Empathy level 10 Top ranking

Self-healing Level 10 Top ranking.

Shifting level 9.

Investigation skills Level 10 Top ranking.

I swear they made a lot more of these worthless so called "Qualification skills" like I care about all that.

And on the bottom of the paper: "Shinigami approved," signed by Enma-Daioh King of the underworld … Boss over us… the shinigami… me… Damn!

And here I stand, in frond of these big, closed office doors. The sign next to it reads "Chief Konoe. Head of the Shokan Division of EnmaCho".

Great I get to meet the big Cheese him self.

I sense eyes locked on to me and then this stupid thought I have heard so many times before now.

"Isn't he a bit young to be a shinigami?"

The voice of the thought itself is gentle almost something I wished I've had while I still was alive. I turn around to look and expected to see a moron or old geezer who probably worried about his job. But what I saw was indeed a moron thought not old.

My face and my mood are annoyed … extremely annoyed.. That's when I'm on my most dangerous…. And still they make me wait this long among those…Retards.

The guy who looks at me… god how do I describe him?

He is tall, well at least taller then me, somewhere in his twenties I guess, young looking, kind of dumb expression on his face. Wearing a messy blouse with a jacket over it … black… crocked tie.. Sloppy pants…some sort of trench coat hanging over his shoulders. Beside the stupid expression his face is dirty like he has stuffed his face with something not long ago. Wild, messy, jumpy chestnut brown hair, he probably never used a comb in his life. But then under that… those eyes… they are purple and observing me carefully.

First thing that comes to mind as I look back at that person is "Tramp". But as soon as I think it something starts bugging me. His emotions… feelings… they are so… what you call it? … Simple? Honest?... Christ call it sincere. I don't have much time to look at him as the door finally opens. We made eye contact for a few seconds. My green emerald eyes gazing back into those unusual purple once. As I hear my name being called I turn my gaze away from him and look inside.

I shrug that mans thoughts and emotions of off me. Take a deep breath and walk inside the room. Ignoring him as if he was just a mere ghost, simply not acknowledging his existence.

Simply ignoring his presence.

The last thing I felt before the door closed behind me was hurt… pain and unbelief.

It shocked me and I felt weird.. I can't describe it, it's different then normal.

Why did that short moment hurt so much?

I hear some annoying ringing, it's far away…it's long and persistent. I move my head but as I open my eyes the sound is gone. I shake my head a little but before I can do anything the ringing begins again… much louder and more annoying then before.. also much longer.

I recognise it as my front door bell. I open my eyes fully and rub them a little as I look (watch) around the room.

Familiar room, book on my lab, I'm sitting… no I was sleeping in my favourite chair, in my own living room near the fireplace.

A nice small fire is burning there, it's making nice soft snapping sounds.

The ringing stops and I look up "Finally what moron comes to my place at this hour" I think as I see the clock slowly creeping towards eleven o'clock in the evening.

God, I hate un announced visits, especially when they are late.

Of course against my wishes, for I wished to stay quiet so the idiot would go away, there is suddenly a loud yelling "Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooka, Open up!"

Of course, I should have known. It's THAT idiot.

God he is going to wake up the entire neighbourhood this way with that big mouth of his.

There is nothing I can do so I stand up and place the blanket I had wrapped around me over the couch.

The book I place on my table before I walk towards the front door.

As soon as I remove the night locks and open the door this big purple eyed idiot jumps me. And of course I land flat on my ass with that BAKA on top of me.

Shit he is heavy, but he looks so happy, so really, freaky happy. To make things worse he wraps his arms around my neck and grins at me from above.. his face is to close to mine.

"Damn Tsuzuki get the hell of off me you… you BAKA!" I yell at him more out of an automatic reflex then that I'm aware of saying it.

"Christ your cold. Get of me" and I start pushing him away from me. Or lets just state I tried to push him away from me. But his weight is hard to move. Once he decides on sticking on to something, Like pie for example, it's hard to get him to move to anywhere, till he gets what he wants.

To my surprise he let himself being pushed aside easily.

He grins at me broadly as I push him away from me.

Shit don't tell me he came al the way here just to do this? What on earth is he doing here anyway?.

As I sit up eyeing him angrily he is standing up and pulls me on my feet as well "sorry Soka, I simply couldn't let that chance go to waste" he says still smiling that extremely stupid happy smile of his.

I sigh deeply and ignore his remark as I close the door behind him. "What do you want, Tsuzuki-san" I say as polite and annoyed as I can to show him he is not wanted. I eye him as I try to fix my clothing a little. I'm wearing my home clothes as some would call it. A wide pair of black pants with a white sleeveless tunic on top of it. I'm not wearing any socks or shoes and stretch a little and rub my lower back a little. Then he looks at me still smiling stupidly. "You look nice Soka" his purple eyes shine with … with…. something.

I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel uneasy. Grab my cheeks… you got to be kidding me… I turn my face away from him "Yeah sure, whatever" I say fast. Then I calm down as I remember he still hasn't explained to me what the hell he thinks he is doing here. He had deliberately ignored my question.

"What is it you want Tsuzuki-san" I say again but this time more demanding "You surely didn't came here to hug me and tell me I look … Nice" I'm not looking at him as I am waiting for an answer.

Don't get me wrong but it's Tsuzuki Asato here that we are talking about, you never know with him. He is the kind of person that comes around just to make sure you come to work tomorrow.

Finally that idiotic smile leaves his face "No I haven't" He looks at me I can feel his eyes looking at me but I keep my eyes fixed on something other then him. "To be honest I came to check up on you, Soka".

I turn my face towards him in a questioning way I'm looking at him and frown my forehead. "Why?" I ask him before I could think of an more suitable reply.

He turns his face away and looks at his feet. He mumbles something I didn't hear correctly and he is making weird circles with his feet.

"What?" I ask again and look automatically at his feet as well.

"After our last assignment you acted….."

Here it comes, I did something again. I probably did something "Weird". Thoughts run through my head fast.

"Different" Tsuzuki finished his statement.

I look at him more confused now. "Different?" I ask him unbelieving.

Shit this is the second time he gets me of guard and lost for words.

Tsuzuki lifts his head and looks at me while he slowly nods his head as if that answers my question.

"You looked… Hurt" He said "Like you where in pain".

He is uncertain to continue talking and he looks at me for confirmation that he should stop. Our eyes meet for a slight moment and almost immediately he turns his face away from mine as he realises it.

It's kind of silent and there is this strange atmosphere between us right now.

"Well I should be going, you hate visitors right? Especially when it's me on an hour like this" He says and smiles at me again though it's a bit different then the way he usually smiles.

Could he be hurt or something?

The way he proclaims I hate him hurts me.

Could it be I hurt Tsuzuki? I check him carefully. No he isn't hurt, well not physically but mentally and he is … scared? But for what and why?

I look at him with a more questioning thought on my mind. He can't be scared of me … that much is obvious. If he would have been he wouldn't be here right now, at least not today and not this late. He would have picked a time and place with more people around so he could have fooled around if I would yell at him.

Could it be he was worried about me?

After our last case, our wild Muraki ghost hunt, perhaps I had acted "differently". After we solved the case… no that's the understatement of the year.. after he, Tsuzuki, had solved the case and saved my … kidnapped ass, I had called in for a few sick days. And here, on the second day that I'm sick, he suddenly shows up…. Late.

This man… this…. "my partner" came to see me cause he had been worried about me.

I let out a sigh and shrug. I put the locks back on my door and he turns to face me. "Soka?" He says my name questioningly. He doesn't understand what I'm doing. God I don't even understand myself right now.

"Your cold Tsuzuki, it's late and you're here already. So you should at least come inside and warm up before you go home". I say as an answer to his unsaid question.

I turn around and face the way towards the living room. It suddenly hits me I invited him into my house, why on earth did I do that? Is his stupidity contagious or something?.

"Ne, Soka? Is it really alright if I come inside?" He asks carefully, trying not to upset me.

"Hmm" I say shortly "Your already inside so it doesn't really matter". I move towards the living room door and open it and step aside, inviting him inside again.

Tsuzuki takes his coat off and hangs it on my hallstand along with the others, before he slowly walks passed me into the living room.

I walk in after him and close the door again. I'm not sure what I am doing, I've never really had a visitor before. I walk towards my chair and sit down pulling my feet on it again as well. Tsuzuki sits down on a couch near my chair and I see him shiver a little. I grab the blanket I had placed on the couch earlier and hand it over to him "Here take it" I hear myself say to him.

Tsuzuki nods appreciating the offer and puts the blanket around his shoulders. "Were you sleeping Soka?" He asks as his eyes meet mine again.

I look back at him and nod "I was". He must be really cold, he is shivering pretty badly. He chose the seat closest to the fire and seemed to like the warmth coming from it.

Tsuzuki smiles at me "I can tell, your eyes are a bit reddish and you have a sleeping print on your cheek" He says.

I turn my face away from him again. I can't describe what's happening but I feel uneasy having Tsuzuki around. My heartbeat is slightly faster and I feel my face turn hot as I listened to his remark of my sleeping face.

As I look away from him my face starts to cool off immediately.

I must be getting sick, I decide silently but refuse to touch my forehead to check it.

"I'm sorry, Soka" I hear Tsuzuki saying

"What for" I ask him not understanding what on earth he could be sorry for. He couldn't mean the death grip he had on me from before.

We never had a conversation between us before but now it was inevitable.

"For waking you up" he replies.

I look at him again and in a way I'm happy to see he isn't looking at me. He seems to be fascinated by the way the fire moves around in frond of him.

"Don't worry about it, I wasn't having what you call pleasant dreams anyway" I say and wrap my arms around my knees and lay my head on top of my arms and stare at the fire as well.

I wonder why I keep saying things back to him without thinking it through first. It's not like Tsuzuki cares if I sleep well or not and why should he be interested in that?

But to my surprise he answers me.

"Well that's good then" he says and turns to look back at me.

I automatically look up to him and he grins as he sees my surprised face.

"Maybe coming over now wasn't such a bad idea after all then" He says more to himself then saying it directly to me and he smiles slightly.

This is kind of an awkward situation again but before I can reply to him with a well thought through answer he speaks again as he looks around. "You have a really nice place here Soka, very nice".

"Thanks" I say. I'm rather fond of this place as well. Its where I'm safe and can come to myself if something upsets me.

I place my head back on my arms and start looking at the fire again. I feel Tsuzuki resting his eyes on me again. My face is burning up but I can't blame that on the fire this time.

It's because HE is watching me again with those feelings of his.

"Are you alright Soka?" He asks me. His voice is so gentle, so kind and so full with caring that I don't know how to react. I simply nod.

"You're a bit reddish in the face. Are you running a fever?"

Tsuzuki slowly stands up and turns towards me. Before I can realise or imagine what is happening his hand touches my forehead gently.

"Hmm, You have a slight fever it seems" He states "But you'll live"

I hit his hand away from me and push him away a little "Don't touch me" I snap at him and feel myself turn even redder and getting warmer. I push myself deeper into my chair and hold myself tighter.

"Sorry" he says as he sits down on the couch again "Sorry Soka, I forgot"

Tsuzuki isn't looking at me and I'm grateful for that.

I don't know where to look as I try to keep my heart from leaving my chest.

Shit that surprised me. I try to keep my breathing normal but it's hard.

Its fake everything he is emitting towards me is fake. He is just pretending like everybody else I ever meet. They are all the same. I place my hand on my heart as if that would help to calm myself down.

Shit why the hell did I have to invite him in anyway. Why won't he just simply get warm and go home. Damn it! I let out a sigh, I am so lost in thoughts and self-reflection that I didn't even hear Tsuzuki calling my name.

"Oi Soka?" A troubled voice says. It's so full of concern it makes me sick but cared for at the same time.

I look up at him and slowly turn my face towards him. He is sitting in front of me on his knees staring up at me from below there. Shit when did he came this close?

"What?" I ask him as if nothing had happened.

Of course he starts smiling again "Welcome back Soka" He grins "I asked if I could have some coffee".

"I don't drink that stuff so no" I say and suddenly realise how harsh that I sounded. "I can make you some tea instead" I add fast trying to reduce the damage and hurt that I sensed from him.

Shit he had already noticed but he keeps looking at me and smiles.

"Thank you Soka, I would like some tea".

Damn since when is he so polite? I look at him, he is weird and then I mean really weird. Seeing his happy face like this only because I said I would make him some tea. I wonder how deadly happy he would have become if I said I had coffee in house.

I shake my head to get the thoughts out and stand up. I walk towards the kitchen as my bare feet walk across the carpet.

I so love this carpet. Its soft, long and warm. Its nice to think about something completely different now and then.

As I reach the kitchen and start grabbing the things I need to make tea my thoughts start to wander again.

Why am I serving him tea anyway? He isn't really a guest is he, beside this will only make him stay over longer instead of shorter. What am I doing? Why don't I just tell him to leave?

I keep myself from looking back towards him.

I grab a tray and put two Japanese tea cups on there, then add the sugar jar and some cookies. I know for sure he is going to nag if I don't add those.

I look at the tray… I'm strange. He means nothing to me … Absolutely nothing. He is just someone I work with that's all, a colleague. He is my "Aibou" I say out loud and surprise myself.

Working partners, stop making weird thoughts he isn't your partner we are just working partners. He is nothing more that someone I work with so don't think these weird things. He doesn't even care about me, he is just afraid he has to do all the work alone if I stay sick for to long.

"You need help Soka?" It's Tsuzuki's voice coming from my living room. It suddenly brings me back to the task at hand and I see at the clock it has taken me a pretty long time already.

"No I'm done" I pick up the tray and look at it. It's all here. My eyes fall on the cookies and I shake my head "Soka no baka" I say out to myself but Tsuzuki heard it.

"What did you say Soka?" His reply came from the room.

"Nothing" I say back and start walking back to the room he is in.

Tsuzuki looks concerned as I walk back into the room. "Are you alright?" He asks again. That concern in his voice and those I care for you feelings they are upsetting me. And I feel anger boiling up inside of me. Stop it BAKA. I think harshly. Why can't you stop pestering me like this I know your lying damn you.

Tsuzuki looks at me questioningly as he is still waiting for an answer "What" I say some words I use like I haven't said that like 10 times before already.

"What did you say" Tsuzuki asks again.

I shrug "Betsuni" And I walk on till I reach the table and place the tray down.

Tsuzuki seems to accept that answer and stays quiet. I sit back in my chair pulling my legs up as well and cuddle in my favourite sitting position.

Tsuzuki looks at the cookies on the tray, I see it and I feel it his desire to eat them.

"Soka can I?"

"Knock yourself out" I hear myself say and I look at the flames as Tsuzuki attacks the cookies on the plate.

As I watch the flames to calm my self down his voice starts again. It's getting on my nerves.

"What?" I spat at him "Can't you be quiet for a few seconds?" I look at him angrily but it's myself that I'm angry with.

I turn my face towards him and see him grinning. Right like that's going to save you. I think sarcastically.

"You're really sick aren't you Soka?" He asks and looks at me closely.

I can't take it anymore what the hell is wrong with that retard? "No really?" I snap back sarcastically "Why else do you think I would call in sick?" I'm being mean and I know it. But I simply don't care right now.

I turn away from him for a few seconds and when my eyes travel over the table and tea tray I see my mistake… No tea water.

I look back at Tsuzuki suddenly understanding what he mend. "I'm Sor.." I start but Tsuzuki had already stood up.

"You just stay sitting here, I'll be right back" He says and starts to walk towards the kitchen. All I can do is look after him as he is disappearing into my kitchen carrying the tray back.

I can see him standing at the counter eating my cookies and fixing my mistake.

Talking about stupid, if only I could disappear right now, I feel so dumb.

I got angry at him for nothing and he doesn't even react to my out burst that was so harsh and mean. Why? Could it be he knew this was going to happen? He did react calmly as if he expected it.

I feel my aggression decreasing fast now and I hear Tsuzuki filling the kettle with water. And lighting the fire to warm it up with.

Then it's quiet for a while till the kettle starts singing and Tsuzuki starts pouring the water in the teapot.

I'm looking at the fire and try to fix my eyes on it but they keep wandering of on their own and force me to look at Tsuzuki's back.

No matter how hard I try not to do this but in the end I lose and when I look at him he is already walking back to me. He is smiling while he is stuffing his face with more cookies. It's kind of weird. Could that smile be stuck on his face or something? He has been smiling ever since he came inside.

Although I know Tsuzuki adores sweets, the cookies he is eating right now are made by me. Meaning they are more sour then sweet cause I added lime in them instead of sugar. But he seems to like them a lot anyway and the plate they were laying on is as good as empty .

Tsuzuki looks me in the eye and I turn my face back towards the flames. I look at them dance and hear Tsuzuki walking closer and eventually placing the tray on the table.  
"Soka?" He asks and I look at him

"Yes" I ask as our eyes meet again. He is grinning his "I did something stupid" smile and I wonder what he has done this time.

"I'm sorry Soka, but I ate all of your cookies" I turn my face to look at the plate and it's indeed completely empty.

I shrug "So? That's what they where for anyway". I say honestly and don't understand why he is making a fuzz over some cookies.

"But I didn't leave a single one for you" He says and hands me a cup of tea..

"I don't want any they where all for you to start with" I say as I reach out for the tea. I hold it in both hands and smell the scent of it. I let out a relieved sigh. He picked out my favourite flavour, Sakura.

It's unbelievable but with the words "They were all for you" He became this happy. I see his eyes sparkle with joy.

Was he really thinking I would be mad cause he ate them all?

I sip a little from the tea and close my eyes. All of the sudden I feel completely at ease and start to relax.

I know it's weird to hear this coming from my mouth but right now I'm so glad Tsuzuki is here, even though he upset me so many times in that short time he has been here.

But of course I will never ever tell him this.

"Ne, Soka, where did you buy those?"

I open my eyes and look at Tsuzuki "Buy what?" I ask not understanding what he is refereeing to.  
"The cookies you gave me. Where did you buy them? I want to give them back to you" He says looking at me without smiling for the first time.

I can't help it but smile. He is kind. I think. "You can't" I say to him and he looks puzzled.

"Why not, I saved money" He says as if he needs to defend himself  
"You can't because you can't buy them anywhere, I made them myself so keep your money where it is".

He starts smiling again and his face brightens up even more. I thought it was impossible but he can get even happier. "You can bake" He blurred out.

I'm a bit amazed about that remark but I simply nod to his question. Tsuzuki reminds me of children on Christmas eve right now. Being this happy with something as simple as that.

"I love you Soka" He says, looking at me smiling

I look at him shocked and feel my face burning and tingling all the way to my ears. I'm going red. And my eyes grew wider "Wh… What?" I stutter. Is this a sudden love confession or something or has he lost his mind completely now?

Apparently Tsuzuki sees his mistake and start laughing "I mean I love you as your cookies. I love your cookies" He says explaining.

"Oh… Of course" I say but why do I feel so disappointed right now. My heart hurts it's almost like I want him to say that he loves me.

But when he said it why was I so shocked then when I heard it. I'm not making any sense. I want him to say things to me but when he does it shocks me this much. I turn my face away to the fire again and shake my head violently. I see him looking at me but I ignore him for the time being. What the hell am I thinking? Love me? Yeah right dream on Soka. I'm not even gay to start with. He loves those damned cookies what is completely normal in his case. He loves food or anything that has to do with something that's food. Why on earth would Tsuzuki love me. I have only been hostile towards him from the day we meet. I shake my head again to get those ridiculous thoughts out of my head. And I sip my tea till I have finished it. Tsuzuki is still watching me. I let out a sigh and close my eyes for a little.

"Is there anything I can help you with Soka?" Tsuzuki asks I don't have to look at him to know how worried he is about me. I can't ignore his feelings any longer, they are piercing into me. It's like trying to stop a waterfall for letting it's waters down. It's painful and its exhausting to keep them away.

There is no way I can claim his feelings fake anymore, they hurt to much, they are to powerful, to strong to be fake. No matter how much I want them to be fake, but they are real I realise that now. They are to much… to much Tsuzuki like.

"No there is nothing" I say I open my eyes and look at the floor.

"Are you sure?" He pushes on.

Stupid me. Instead of decreasing his worries I keep building them up. He wants to hear I'm fine. No he wants to see that I'm fine. But all that I have showed him is a boy who couldn't even make tea cause he worried to much about trivial things. But I have to admit since Tsuzuki came here I haven't had one thought about Muraki or the last case.

I haven't been bothered with any of the thoughts that kept me from sleeping these last few days.

"Soka?"

"Ah Gomen, I'm fine Tsuzuki, I'm really fine arigatou" I feel him smiling but I cant bring myself to look at him. Not right now, not at this moment.

Suddenly the clock strikes midnight and I hear Tsuzuki standing up. My heart starts to beat faster. What am I going to do if he comes towards me again? But then I hear him walking in the opposite direction of me.

I look up and I see him walking out of the living room towards the hall and… the door?

I stand up faster then I ever remember doing and walk towards the door he had just left through.

As I enter the hall he is putting on his jacket "Are you leaving?" I ask amazed wondering where this sudden action is coming from.

Tsuzuki turns around towards me and nods. "Hai you seem absent minded and tired. Beside I'm warmed up completely so there is no need to longer intrude on your privacy right. It's late so I should go home" He looks at me and I look back at him.

I can't really argue with him there what he said is true. I only said he could stay to warm up and now that he has, he should go home. I stay quiet while looking at him.

"I came uninvited and late, I shouldn't bother you longer then I already have" He says and I automatically nod.

But he hasn't really bothered me. I mean I thought he was bothersome in the beginning but he changed my thoughts completely. I had been scared ever since that case. He relaxed me but now he was going away. I don't want to lose that safe feeling I have right now.

I feel hurt. I don't want him to leave me alone, but I'm to proud and to stubborn to ask him to stay, or tell him I don't want him to go home.

My mind is working of lightning speed as I am searching desperately for a reason to make him stay, But I can't think of anything. Well that is beside offering cookies. But to be honest I know his replay to that question too "You are sick Soka you should sleep I'll come again if you let me" or at least something in that way, I'm sure he would say something like that.

I nod my head agreeing with myself That would be so totally his answer no doubt about it.

I come back to myself as I see Tsuzuki placing his hand on the door knob. This is it times up he is really leaving now. Before I realise what I'm doing I stand in frond of him and before the door. "Wait!" I say out first I don't look at him but slowly I raise my head and he looks at me a bit amazed.

As I look at him I see Tsuzuki's face is red and he is sweating a little "Are you alright?" I ask him and all he does is nodding. Then he smiles "Don't worry Soka I'm fine". Yeah right. I see you don't look fine you say it with your smile but they way you uttered it doesn't sound convincing to me at all. And to my joy he starts coughing.

I was so occupied with my own thoughts and worries that I head read him completely wrong.

"Your sick?" I ask him a bit surprised.

"No it's only a cold" He reassures me but again I doubt his honesty in that answer.

"How long do you have this cold now?" I ask again cause I'm certain he was fine when I left him and called in sick two days ago. Tsuzuki shrugs my question away so I try again "How long do you have this cold Tsuzuki, You where fine two days ago" I tell him this time more stern and with less opportunities to shrug it away.

I see a shocked expression on Tsuzuki's face appearing but right now I don't care about how I sound.  
"A few days maybe" Tsuzuki says carefully

"A few days…" I repeat his answer but I sound sarcastically. I cross my arms in frond of my chest and watch him raising an eyebrow.

"Two days now" Tsuzuki says honestly after our eyes had meet for a whole minute.

"You didn't notice but I overslept the last day of the case because of it" He confesses and looks away to the ground.

As I let go of the door know I suddenly feel something… it's Tsuzuki's presence … but not from inside it's coming from outside.

As the image in my head fade I start grinning a little. "Tell me Tsuzuki-san" I say and I see his face turn on the alarm mode. I have to agree my voice sounds a bit meaner then normal.  
"Tell me How long have you stood in frond of my door with that cold of yours?"

I look at him and my eyes force him to look back at me.  
"A few minutes maybe" He answers me. I shake my head "Usotsuki" I say to him. I know he is lying I feel it. He is trying to lie his way out of it but I wont let him.

I squeeze my eyes and lean against the door showing I don't buy his bullshit.  
"Sure and my name is Watari" I say sarcastically.

"Let's try that again shall we?" I say to him and wait for an other answer.

He bends his head lets out a sigh and looks at his feet.

"A couple of hours" He then says truthfully.

I can't believe my ears why the hell did he wait that long before ringing my door. God he stood outside with a cold already in this winter night. For crying out loud it has been snowing since yesterday. As if Tsuzuki could hear my thoughts he suddenly says.

"I saw you sleeping in your chair Soka. You looked so peaceful that I didn't wanted to wake you up. So I just sat here on the bench" And he points past me to the bench near the park through my window its barely watch able.

"Since how late have you sat there?" I look back at Tsuzuki. My voice had turned normal and gentle. I can't believe he waited for me to wake up till that time that he rang the bell. Of course it was the only thinkable reason why he was so freaky cold an hour ago.

"From eight P.M till eleven" Tsuzuki says looking back at me he is blushing a bit. My mouth slowly drops open as I stare at him with amazement. "Are you insane?" I ask him again grabbing his wrist and start pulling him with me through the living room giving him no space to object or fight me.

I walk straight towards my bed room and stop in frond of my bed and turn around to look at him. Tsuzuki's expression is confused and I can't blame him but the doubt I see on his face is upsetting me.

"Eh… Soka?" He asks carefully, clearly he has no idea what to say or ask.

"What?" I say looking at him "Your sick I have a bed so sleep it of. You don't think I'm that mean enough to kick you out in this condition do you?" He shakes his head fast but his emotions clearly stated he had thought about it.

"Well undress then" I tell him "I have no shirts or pants that would fit you so you have to sleep in your blouse or something" I pull of his jacket and push him on the bed. He sits there looking up at me. He clearly had no idea what I mend.  
"Well undress already" I tell him again. He looks at me with that stupid expression of his when he has to think something over that is really hard or painful for him.

"I don't understand Soka" He says.

"There is nothing to understand just undress and get in the bed. I'll fetch you some extra blankets" I say and I feel wonderful.

I have him forced at my place without making trouble or having to ask him and right now he owns me one as well. I walk towards my closet and start picking out another futon for him.  
"Soka?" He says my name carefully and his voice sounds unsure I can hear a slight tremble in it.

"Yes Tsuzuki" I reply and keep focussed on my current task.  
"Is it really alright if I spend the night here in your room, I mean in your…. Bed? I don't want to trouble you".

I turn around so I can watch him "It's no trouble, you're my partner ne?, I can't kick your sick ass out of my house now. If something where to happen to you I would be very troubled and if you don't mind sharing the bed with a kid then hurry up with the undressing will ya. I'm not that gentle that I'm going to help you undress" I say to him and throw him the blankets as well.

"I have never seen you as a kid Soka" Tsuzuki says as I was already walking around the room.

I look at him as Tsuzuki seemed to have blurred that out unwillingly, but he isn't looking at me "I think you are…." But he suddenly stops.

A what? I start thinking a boy, a nuisance, an idiot, a baby, a grate scholar, a dead co worker? Finish your god damn sentence, damn you.

I wait while these thoughts run through my head but he never seemed to intend to finish his sentence.  
"I'm a what Tsuzuki san?" he looks up at me. Am I dreaming is he blushing?

"I think you're a …. Fine young man" Tsuzuki says and turns his head away from facing me again. A fine young man? I ask myself over and over. Since when did I became a fine young man? What's that supposed to mean? I keep staring at him unbelieving he said this. I shake me head … no, no, no I can't believe it he must have said something different. Only a while ago he found me to young to even be a shinigami so why suddenly did I turn into a fine young man?

My heartbeat starts beating faster and I turn red I can feel it. I see Tsuzuki turn his face at me again. He looks at me for a while but I don't say anything nor do I move.

"Soka?" He asks again questioningly. I come back from my thoughts and look at him.

"Start undressing Tsuzuki and get to bed" I say and don't wait for a reply as I turn around and walk towards the bathroom.

I start changing my self slowly into my sleeping clothes. I take my time on purpose to give Tsuzuki some time to get ready as well and make sure he has the time to undress privately and would be in the bed by the time I would come out.

I waited for my part like hours but as I finally sense no movement from the room I took my changes and came out of the bathroom. Tsuzuki looked at me immediately "Hey" He said and I nod to him "You sure took your time" Tsuzuki said "Are you alright?"

I nod again "I think I'm doing better then you" I say flat out but smile a little and walk to the other side of the bed then where Tsuzuki had placed himself down on. "You look nice" He says suddenly and softly as I'm about to step into the bed as well.

I turn my face at him "Well what did you think I would wear a pyjama with teddy bears or something? They are just pyjamas Tsuzuki"

Tsuzuki is quiet obviously hurt by my harsh comment. God that was stupid to say really well done Soka really clever he tried to be nice and you bite his head of. Stupid kid. I shake my head what's done is done, no way to turn back time learn to live with it. I step into the bed and lay on my back before turning the lights of not late after. I feel something is bothering Tsuzuki but there is no way he would say anything about it to me.

"What is bothering you Tsuzuki" I ask watching my ceiling.

I never thought he would answer me right away but he did.

"You know… I took the liberty to look up your past a little, but your death wasn't due to an illness…." He stops checking me out what I would do.  
"I know" I simply tell him without turning my eyes of from the ceiling

"You know?" he asks shocked and sits up a little watching me.  
"Yeah I know for a while now. It was murder after I got raped by that man. That illness was only a curse to kill me off. Its that man that killed me" I say and look at him and smile.

"How did you find out?" Tsuzuki asks.

"Your not the only person that can hack the Gushoshins computers Tsuzuki. It's the first thing I looked up after I the shinigami graduation when I was finally alone."

Tsuzuki smiles as he lays down again "Your really something Soka, I'm glad I have you as my partner" He says happily and we bother smile.

"So am I" I tell him in return

It's weird but having Tsuzuki around me calms me down completely, he makes me feel safe, cared for and protected.

He is someone I could place my trust in and my faith.

Maybe someday when I have the courage I'll tell him so, but till that day comes ….

So here we lay…. Together… But separated in my bed. It's quiet now. I wonder if Tsuzuki has fallen asleep already, but I don't dare to look at him and keep my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I don't know how long I watched this ceiling but it's starting to annoy me terribly. I start to focus on my breathing…. It's way to fast… or at least I think it is. My heart feels as if I'm either terribly afraid or extremely excited but at the moment I doubt either of them is really true. I feel Tsuzuki move a little is he really sleeping already?

I move my head a little but stop as soon as I started it. Instead I reach out my senses and gently touch Tsuzuki's thoughts with it to see if he is awake or not.

But as the moment I touch him he suddenly starts to speak and my heart shoots into my throat.

"Soka can't you sleep?" He moves again. Shit I think he shifted on his side… Oh grab he is looking at me now I feel his eyes travel over my face. There is no way I can pretend to be sleeping now.

"No not really" I confess not knowing what else I could say.

Stop looking at me your making me feel uncomfortable. Go look the other way or something. Thoughts keep crossing my mind on high speed as Tsuzuki keeps looking at me gently. I listen to my own heartbeat and breathing and then suddenly I realise as I hear two pair of breathing noises. The once I was focussing on wasn't mine but Tsuzuki's.

I'm listening to his breathing. It's kind of fast isn't it and hot. I feel his breath on my skin and in my neck. When did he get so close to me. I can't stop myself any longer and turn my head to look at him.

I can't really see him that well, my room is to dark. Even though my curtains are open and the full moon shines through the window. The moon beams don't reach Tsuzuki he is hidden from view by the shadows.

He moves his head a little and I can see his hair shift from position as he does.

"Are you alright?" I ask concerned "How is your cold?"

I hear Tsuzuki smile "I'm fine Soka" His voice reassures me "My cough and my cold are fine too your bed is very nice and comfortable and really soft and warm" Then he lays down and pushes his head in the pillows.

I look at him still wondering what he is doing.

"The bed smells like you Soka" He suddenly blurs out as if it's the statement of the year.

"Sorry" I say not knowing anything else to say to him it's really my fault here you know that I smell like me now is it?

"Your sleeping on my side so I guess it smells more then this side. Just coop with it. I'll clean it tomorrow" I say and look at the ceiling wondering what the hell he is fussing about.

Tsuzuki shakes his head "Don't apologise Soka, I like it. You smell so nice".

I feel my face burn up it must be bright red by now. I'm so glad it's dark to hide my shame I open my mouth "What a stupid thing to say" I reply harshly and turn on my side so Tsuzuki wont be able to see my face anymore if he had been able to.

I start watching the moon "Baka Tsuzuki" I say softly but I know he can hear it.

To my surprise I don't feel Tsuzuki being hurt at all in fact he is grinning. I wonder if he has seen my face catch on colour before I turned around.

Again everything is quiet for a while till Tsuzuki suddenly sits up in the bed.  
"Ne Soka, are you sleeping?"

"No" I reply shortly

Tsuzuki nods his head apparently being happy about the fact I'm still awake.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" He asks. I feel or sense nothing wrong but that's mainly Tsuzuki's fault anyway. He keeps saying all those weird things.

"Sure go ahead, your started already anyway" I say but keep watching to the moon.

Tsuzuki stays sitting up "You know… tonight when I said I loved you?" He suddenly stops half way again. See that's what I mean with saying weird things al the time.

"You love my cookies you mean" I correct him not really feeling like paying attention right now.

"Ah yes I said that didn't I?" he asks me questioningly.

I know his memory is rotten but this hits the jackpot I have to remember him now what he said?

To make things simple for myself I only nod to his question.

"What I really mean is…." He starts but there he goes again stopping half way. Damn this is starting to get really annoying by now.

"What Tsuzuki" I say with a sigh "What is it you really mean?" I ask normally but keep watching the moon outside my window. Then suddenly Tsuzuki places a hand on my shoulder "Can you turn around Soka? I don't like talking to your back"

I think a little about his request and just think like what the heck, why not and turn on my back and look at him.

"What is it that's so important that it can't wait till breakfast?" I ask him questioningly

He looks at me half turned around. I can see his face now. He sis smiling and he is looking directly at me but stays quiet.

When we look for a while I start to get annoyed again and as I want to open my mouth to yell something at him like that he is wasting my time or something. He suddenly bends his head and beats me to it.

"I love YOU, Soka" He says softly but the word you he used more force. My mind goes blank as I look at him not really knowing how to react I feel my mouth opening automatically as I look at him a bit shocked and surprised.

"WHAT?" I say out loud but not realising I actually did so.

Tsuzuki tunes his face back to face mine and says it again but this time louder and with more confidence.  
"I'm in love with you Soka" He isn't smiling of joking he is bloody serious.

His emotions reach me like a knife and cut through me.

They are so honest so real… sincere. Is he really for real? He really means it?

I sense something I have never felt before what is that? Could this be what they call love? This feeling?

I watch him carefully as my heart tries to leave my heart and my stomach seems to be filled with butterflies instead.

I watch Tsuzuki carefully and observe every inch of his face and feelings. But the one I think is love isn't fading away. My mouth is still open as I watch him. Now and then my eyebrows twitch a little. I don't know how to answer him or what he wants to hear from me.

Instead of saying something I close my mouth and turn my extremely red face away from Tsuzuki. On the moment I do and start to look at the moon again I feel a pain shot in my heart. I soon find out it's coming from Tsuzuki and it's not my own heart ache.

As I turn my head to look at him I see something slight down his cheek. Is he crying?

Could he be in pain? Maybe the fever is getting worse. I sit up straight and lift his face as he had it hanging dropped down chin against his chest.

As I turn his face so it looks towards me I feel pain "Tsuzuki? Why are you crying?" I ask not understanding what suddenly happened. I watch him carefully afraid to hurt him more.

"It's alright Soka, I'm alright" But he doesn't look alright to me anyway. I have never seen Tsuzuki cry before. "But your not alright Tsuzuki" I tell him carefully "I can feel your heartache what's wrong? What happened?" I want to know why he is so sad it's hurting me as well and I want that pain to go away.

It remembers me of to much bad things from the past things I try to lock out and hide far away. But Tsuzuki's tears are making me sad, I want to help him but I don't know why, I just want to help him make him happy again.

I have totally forgotten what it was Tsuzuki had told me just a few minutes before.

I flick on the light on my nightstand and force Tsuzuki to look at me again.  
"Why are you so sad?" I ask him as he looks at me. His eyes are full with tears but he tries to hide them even though it's obvious. I never really noticed or maybe never really paid attention to the matter but his purple eyes are really….. purple.. no I mean….

His eyes are intriguing me.

I don't know why but I can't make myself to look away from them they are so…. My thinking is interrupted by Tsuzuki calling my name suddenly. "Soka…. Soka?" I look back at him really now "Huh?" I say to him and blink. "Your crying" He says as he wipes the tears away from his own face with the back of his hand. I look at him a little longer before I move my hands to my cheeks and feel the tears. I flinch as I see Tsuzuki move his hands towards me. Tsuzuki sees my reaction and stops "Soka?" He asks again and I look a bit scared to him that really surprised me. "I'm sorry automatic reflex" I say fast I wished it was a lie but it isn't.

I still feel Tsuzuki being sad and it hurts me not knowing what's wrong.

"Why are you so sad Tsuzuki? Are you in pain?" I ask carefully not wanting him to get mad at me right now.

He nods "In a way I am" He says softly.

I'm starting to feel like a retard I don't understand anything that is going on. What had happened? Everything is going so fast it's making my head buzz like crazy as I try to understand. I'm not stupid but I really don't get al this.

"Why?" I ask before I think about how to answer it again.

"You rejected me, how else should I feel?" He says nervously but this time he keeps looking at me. Is that a bit of hope that I feel and see in him?

"I… rejected you?" I stammer "When, how,….Why?" I ask him wondering what he is talking about.

I clearly don't understand but apparently Tsuzuki does seeing his smile creeping back to his face.

He leans back against the wall like me and sits a bit more relaxed. The pain and sadness are completely gone now. I look at him he his still smiling and he turns his head towards me. He is even smiling at me, his eyes seem to light up and sparkling a little as is his mood. I feel the pain in my chest decrease as I look at him but my expression is still clueless.

"I love you Soka" he says suddenly again "that's a love confession from me to you" he explains. "Can you tell me how you feel about me?" he asks me and looks at me with those purple eyes of his.

"How I feel about you?" I ask him and frown my eyebrows. Tsuzuki nods his head as an answer.

I keep looking at him. He is all to happy and I'm feeling like the biggest, reddish BAKA in the world.

"Are you insane" I snap at him "I'm a child. I'm 16 years old when I died I'll always stay a 16 year old kid. I'll never mature in any way more then what I have right now. I died in this child like body, how on earth can you love a kid like that?" I stop as I realise I'm releasing all my anger in those few sentences but in a way Tsuzuki looks unharmed by what I said.

He waits till I'm done ranting and then simply smiles "I don't care Soka, I love you anyway" He simply says and that just leaves me stupefied for a while and staring at him. It takes me a while to recover from what he told me.  
"Are you a hentai or something?" I spat at him again. Why am I trying so hard to push him away right now when I want him to stay close?

I'm speaking as sarcastically as I can and he, to my surprise, simply nods. "Yes I am, if it's you in question".

Again I'm left stupefied with open mouth searching for words but none are coming.

Tsuzuki sees my face "I'm serious Soka, can't you feel that?"

Well that's not really the problem here now is it, of course I can feel it. But my brain just simply refuses to understand.

I nod not knowing a better thing to do right now.

Tsuzuki smiles again "So what is your answer do or don't you love me?" He says a bit insecure both wanting to hear my answer and fearing rejection.

I turn my red face towards the blanket "You love me?"

"Hai" he answers

"This child like me, the one that stays like this never matures or gets older?"

"I don't care" He simply answers.

"I'm sixteen" I throw in.

"So?"

"You are twenty-six"

"Ninety-six" He corrects me

I look up at him and smile and he smiles back

"But you look like twenty-six" I put in again.

"So I look like twenty-six and you look like sixteen, can't I love you just the same?"

I'm silent again he outsmarted me. Of course he can love me but that's not really the problem here is it?

"I'm dead" I say eventually

"Yes you are, so I am. Thank god for that" He replies.

I don't know what to say anymore. I look down to the blanket and see my sleeping blouse is slightly open. Before I realise what I'm doing or planning on doing, I stand up and start to unbuttoning my shirt. As I reach the fifth one and start to show my skin to Tsuzuki he suddenly turns his head away from me.

As I see him turning his face away and refusing to look at me I stop for a second but then continue anyway till it's completely open. I push it of my shoulder and let it drop on the ground. I stand there chest naked and the one that claims to love me isn't looking at me, he refuses to watch…

For some reason I'm hurt and this time I'll let him know it hurts.

"You say you love me, all of me, but when it comes to it. Now that I'm half naked you don't even dare to look at me. Are you disgusted by what you'll see?" I ask him flat out but my voice shows I'm hurt.

"No" He answers but he isn't facing me.

"I do love you Soka but please put something on" He begs.

I start to get agitated by him again. What is it with him he says one thing and then does the opposite of them.

"If you love me then look at me Tsuzuki" God it's cold standing here like this.

"Please Soka don't tempt me" He says again he is forcing himself not to look.

"Tempt you?" I ask confused.

"Yes if I look at you now I'm afraid I can't….. restrain myself" He says apologising .

"Restraining yourself?" I have no idea what the hell he is talking about.

"If I see you now like that… half naked… I'll want more…" He stops suddenly and shakes his head.

I watch him carefully and raise an eyebrow "More? Like what?" I'll ask for an explanation.

I see him fighting himself but he eventually answers me "Well… to hold you, kiss you, touch you…. And more"

I blink, there is more after that? But I don't say that out loud.

"I won't be able to stop Soka, not even if you beg me or hurt me" He sighs "Please put something on and let's just sleep and forget about all this" He says.

I don't think so. First he says he loves me and now I suddenly have to forget he ever mentioned it to me? The hell with you I want proof and I want it right now.

"NO" I say firmly "If you want to do all that then go right ahead I won't stop you, but either you look at me right now or you can go home and also search for another partner" I say harshly. The last think seemed to be the trick the stuff about a new partner seemed to get to him. I can see Tsuzuki flinch towards my words. "What are you afraid of Tsuzuki. You leave me or not. You look at me or not but it's your decision. Either way pick one and be done with it".

I was prepared to give him some thinking time but he immediately turned around and looked at me. My face turns bright red again in that instant. I see and feel Tsuzuki's gaze travel over my body. His eyes end on my face "Are you sure Soka?" He asks as confirmation to my earlier statement.

I nod to show him I mend every word of it.

"You let me do all I want, all of that?"

"Until you hurt me or I don't like it" And I nod again.

"As I said go ahead Tsuzuki" I feel my heart bounce in my chest like it's trying to escape desperately.

Of course I have no idea what he was all talking about but somehow I was more then willing to find it out.

Tsuzuki pushes the blankets away and beckons me back in the bed.

I sit back on it on my knees facing him. I look at him I have no idea what he is going to do now but we both seem…. What's the correct word?... excited?

He looks at me for a while "Can I really touch you?" He asks and I answer by nodding.

He carefully reaches out to me with his hands and he observes me closely but I'm not scared of him.

Kind of weird. Not that long ago I yelled at him not to touch me and now I'm letting him freely do as he likes.

His hands touch my arms and when he sees I'm fine he moves them slightly down towards my wrists. I shudder a bit from it. It's rather ticklish and I cant help but giggle about it.

Tsuzuki moves his hands back upwards to my shoulders. He seems to be in some sort of trance but I don't dare to talk to him.

Tsuzuki gently rubs my shoulders and I notice while he does this, how tensed I was and was stressing out my muscles. He keeps rubbing or messaging them for a while till I feel my muscles becoming completely relaxed as am I becoming rather calm myself.

"Better?" He asks and I nod, I haven't felt this relaxed ever since we started on that Muraki case this is really nice. To feel so calm and at ease.

"Soka, I know you said I could do what I want, but I don't want to unless it's mutual. I don't want to leave you with bad memories or maybe in my case a broken heart".

He looks at me. I don't have the courage to talk to him but I know I have too. The only problem is I have no idea what to tell him.

I look back at him and open my mouth but my mind is completely blank. I look apologizing at him. He pets my head gently something I normally would have hated or detested but right now it doesn't bother me at all.

"It's alright, can you tell me if you love me?" He asks. I understand he is wants to know but I don't know what love is. So how can I tell him I love him? Al I can do is shrug and that's what I'm doing while looking at him.

"Do you like me Soka?" He asks again. This time I nod "I .. like you" I say back softly not pulling my eyes away from him.

"You don't know what love is do you or what it feels like" Tsuzuki is sharp for a change put he pinpointed the problem perfectly. I nod again and look to the bed for a bit "I don't know" I confess to him honestly.

"Can I show you my love for you?" He asks carefully.

I look up to him and meet his eyes. He is so gentle right now so full of care and … I'm not sure what to call it but I trust him completely. I nod again "Tsuzuki how does love feel like?"

He looks at me a bit startled by the question it seems.

"What do you feel Soka" He asks me in return.

"I feel " But then stop and think for a little time. "I feel warm, ticklish, my heartbeat is way faster then normal, I can't really think, and when you talk to me say the things you say and look at me I feel…. Weird" I say and I look at him expecting him to laugh or tell me I'm being stupid.

Right now I don't really care anymore if I'm being stupid or weird somehow I know Tsuzuki will understand me.

"Those are good feelings Soka, You will understand love through time" He looks at me.

God I love those purple eyes.

I suddenly realise I'm attracted to his eyes and I keep staring at them.

I love the way they shine when he is happy, the way they sparkle when he gets something he likes even when he cried his eyes were beautiful.

"Soka, can I kiss you?" Tsuzuki asks me.

We are looking at each other and I nod my head.

I see Tsuzuki coming closer he moves slowly, as he approaches me I automatically start to close my eyes. I can feel his breath on my face as our heads are nearly touching now.

Suddenly I feel his lips touching mine gently, carefully not pushing with any kind of force, it's more like our lips are brushing against each other then actually pressing.

I open my eyes slowly and look at him wondering if that was it. He smiles as he sees me looking at him and sees my wondering face.  
"That was a test kiss Soka" He explains to me and his eyes are sparkling with happiness.

"Test?" I say not really following his thinking pattern at the moment. Shoot, you can kill me if I can think at all right now.

"To see if you would freak out on me or not" He explains more smiling "You seem fine though" He adds as I look at him questioningly.

It takes me a while before I realise and catch on to what he is talking about.

He then slowly kisses me again this time longer and a bit more force on the lips.

He doesn't kiss me long this time either but every kiss we exchanges grows longer in time and in pressure. It slowly starts to become more like a real kiss. After a few kisses I start to understand the principe of kissing and I start to react to it. I press my lips harder against Tsuzuki's. After we exchanged like ten kisses like this Tsuzuki stops and looks at me. I slowly open my eyes as my mouth is open slightly my face is red "You're a great kisser Soka" He comments me.

I feel myself turn even redder then I already was I can't stop myself from blushing.

"Your so cute when you blush" Tsuzuki says . "Shut up!" I snap at him and look away to the sheets below me. I shyly try to hide my face from him but it's no use even I know that of course he had already seen it. "Don't say things like that, it's embarrassing" I tell him and I refuse to look up at him.

Tsuzuki keeps smiling "Nothing to be scared for Soka, we are the only once here".

Well that's true but I still feel ashamed.

As I'm not saying anything back Tsuzuki lifts my face and forces me to look at him "I'm sorry Soka I just like your blushful face". I look at him knowing my face is bright red still but he said he liked it so …

My thoughts are stopped as he starts kissing me again. He holds my head gently with both his hands.

The kiss is longer then any we shared before this one and I'm getting trouble breathing. As the kiss continues I eventually push him away and breath deeply.

Tsuzuki smiles "Try breathing through your nose" He says supportively.

I nod as I keep breathing for more air to refill my lungs.

"Soka open your mouth" He asks me and looks at me, but before I can fulfil his request he starts licking my lips with his tongue.

It feels weird having your lips licked like this, but it's also a nice change. My lips had gone numb from all the kissing we did.

As Tsuzuki stops licking I open my mouth slightly and Tsuzuki starts licking my lips again only for a bit. Suddenly his tongue forces it's way into my mouth and touches the inside of it my tongue included.

I pull my head back shocked and put my hands in frond of my mouth.

Tsuzuki laughs loudly as he sees my shocked expression. "Sorry Soka perhaps I should have warned you" He says while he keeps laughing. My eyes are huge as I look at him "What was that?" I ask him and slowly lower my hands.

"A kiss" Tsuzuki says "They call it a French kiss" He explains. "You didn't like it?" He asks and looks at me to see a reaction.

"I didn't say that" I say after a while "You just scared me".

Tsuzuki nodded "Sorry, can I kiss you like that some more." He asks without really turning it in a question. But what I think he means to say is "I want to kiss you more like that".

I look at him and then slowly nods "If you like" I say softly.

Tsuzuki nods and starts kissing me again. Our tongues meet in my mouth and he starts playing with it. Again it takes me a while to understand what the kiss thing is about. But as I start to move to and experiment on the kiss and try things out I soon get the hang of it.

After a few more tries Tsuzuki lets go of my face and find their way to my neck and back. He gently touches me as he feels me over.

Then he ends our kiss and pushed me gently on the bed on my back. "Do you trust me" He asks me and our eyes meet.

"Why?" I ask a bit scared not knowing what he plans on doing. For some reason he became completely unpredictable

"I'm not going to do anything to you that you need to be afraid of Soka. I just want to know if you trust me or not" He explains and asks again. I look at him observing he really does look like he needs that confirmation out of me. I nod "I trust you Tsuzuki".

Tsuzuki smiles and starts kissing me again slowly he moves to my cheeks and moves towards my neck.

He touches and kisses every inch of my skin that he can reach. Every where a kiss is left I can feel my skin burning up from the inside out. It's a weird sensation but I like it.

I start to feel like I'm feverish, if that's the right word to use to describe what I'm feeling right now. I don't really feel sick at all, but my body is reacting as if I were.

My body is hot al over and I feel sweat being formed on my body as well. Tsuzuki keeps placing his hot, wet kisses on my skin. Now and then he claims my lips as his own and I don't mind he does so. I kiss him back every time he kisses me.

His hands start moving over my chest, fist stray ling my sides. It's not that I'm really ticklish but his touch is making me have Goosebumps. I shiver under his touch.

Tsuzuki stops and looks at me. "Are you cold?"

"No"

"Scared?"

"No" I say again.

"You want me to stop?" Tsuzuki asks watching me

"NO!" I say more firmly now and look at him, he smiles back at me "As you wish then" And he starts kissing my neck and chest again.

His hands travel freely over my stomach and moves slowly upwards to my chest. When he touches my nipple I feel a weird sensation run through my spine and I let out a small but hear able gasp.

Tsuzuki grins and touches my nipples again. I let out a louder gasp as he brushes over them a bit harder then that accidental touch a minute ago.

"I found your sensitive spot" He says happily.

I don't talk to him as I'm trying to get this new feeling under control.

When Tsuzuki removes his hands and takes my nipple in his mouth I cant hold in the moan.

He smiles but when I put my hands in front of my mouth he stopped and grabs my wrists gently and pushed them aside. "Don't hold it in Soka, just let it out" He tells me reassuring that it's alright like this.  
"But it's …." I begin "Embarrassing" Tsuzuki finishes for me "I know but I like your voice"

And here I go again blushing like a mad man and Tsuzuki keeps smiling.

"Is there anything you don't like to put me through?" I ask carefully.

Tsuzuki nods "I don't like to see you cry Soka or to see you in pain"

Of course stupid question, but the way he answered made it worth the while. Even though I knew that he would answer with this.

He then bends down again and starts kissing and sucking my nipples again. I push my head back in the pillow and grab Tsuzuki's shirt.

Tsuzuki doesn't stop and keeps sucking, licking and kissing me. Somehow my nipples have become rock hard and almost painful.

He carefully bites in one of my nipples and I grab him tightly pushing my nails in his back a little "Don't" I say looking at him "Don't bite me" I'm asking pleading. My body is trembling under him. Tsuzuki sees my reaction and I feel sorry from him and almost pain as well. Shit he knows I'm scared or he knows it reminded me of something . "I'm sorry Soka I won't bite anymore" He says apologising and hugs me.

Tsuzuki starts to kiss me on the lips again and gently pushes me back down as he had jolted up when he bit me.

When I'm lying flat again he kisses the nipple he had bitten in and caresses it gently.

He starts kissing my sides, chest and gently moves down to my stomach.

He stops near my belly button and then kisses the parts where my pants start. I sit up again a little and support myself with my elbows as I look at what he is doing.

Tsuzuki doesn't say anything as he pushes me down again gently. He slowly starts to pull my pants down. And as the skin is revealed from under it he kisses it. The further he goes down the more I feel something down there react. He sometimes accidentally or on purpose touches my privet parts.

I feel it tingle with excitement and a pulsing vibration gently creeps through it. As my pants sink over my hips my underwear's slowly gets revealed. I tilt my head to look at Tsuzuki and he kept a very close observation on me. He starts kissing my underwear gently and at the hem end.

Slowly he starts to work his way down to my legs removing my pants completely and drops it on the floor with my shirt. He licks and kisses his way back up to my hips. He spread my legs a little so he can kiss the insides of my legs.

I let out a loud moan and push myself further into the pillow. I feel my penis starting to pulse more aggressively. The things Tsuzuki does are making me lose my mind. He is turning me insane if this goes one longer.

I feel my cock pulsing against my underwear. It's growing, expanding I grab the sheets till my fingers go white. Tsuzuki sees it and nods contently. With one hand he grabs one of mine and the entwine our fingers together the other hand is moved to my throbbing cock.

His fingers gently stroke my now almost fully erected cock. I let out a moan and hold Tsuzuki's hand more tightly.

Tsuzuki looks up at me there is concern in his feelings but I'm not looking at him.

My mouth is open and I keep my eyes closed. I feel …. I feel … weak … even if I wanted to fight Tsuzuki off there was no way I would be able to do that now.

My body is so hot every where, I feel my cock pulsing as Tsuzuki gently strokes it. My mind goes completely blank and I can only hear my self make the weirdest sounds I ever heard myself being capable of making.

I push my head deeper in the pillow. My heartbeat is so fast by now I fear it will be ripped out my chest. Tsuzuki must be able to heard it as well. My breathing is fast and my body is sweating like crazy.

I feel like I'm melting but it's not painful. Worst thing I have to say is that I have never felt this way before. Not this good.

Tsuzuki smiles and then bends down to kiss my cock. As his gentle lips touch my throbbing dick my breathing stops for a bit and my heart misses a few beats. His touch is warm and gentle even though it's through my underwear. I can't stop moaning anymore although not very loud I still can't stop it.

Tsuzuki puts his hand on my hip and slowly rolls down my underwear. I let out a sigh of relieve as my cock is freed from it's tight environment. Tsuzuki puts my underwear over my knees and passed my ankles then he throws it on the floor as well and lets his eyes fest on a naked me.

I can't help but get more excited from being watched by him like this. My body is trembling and it's hard to keep it from turning out to bad. The coldness from outside I can't even feel anymore. At the moment I can only see Tsuzuki and he can only see me. It's hard to imagine but I'm getting so much pleasure from Tsuzuki that he is able to make me this excited it's unbelievable.

Tsuzuki opens his blouse fast and lets it drop on the ground along with the other pieces of clothing. Again I know it's weird but I have never seen a naked person in my life before. But Tsuzuki's body is somehow intriguing me. He is as fragile as I am but his body is more matured then I'll ever be. His body is … nice sort to say. It's all there, the muscles the chest. Not like me this baby body of mine.

He is looking at me the same way I am looking at him we are both nervous. I'm exploring his body with my eyes and open mouth and he gives me time to do so.

Eventually my eyes fall on the big painful looking bulb in his underwear. I can see it twitch a little, his cock must be as hard as mine right now. And they both must feel painful in a tempting way.

He became this hard from doing all those things to me? Could it be he got as much enjoyment out of this all as I did? I look back at his face my expression first is shocked but as he gently smiles to me, his gorgeous amethyst eyes seem the happiest in the world I have ever seen. I'll smile as well I sit up a little and reach out my hand but as I nearly touch him I stop and search for eye contact again. He looks back at me and nods showing it is alright if I want to touch him. I look back at my hand and his chest but for some reason I dare not to touch him. I never really had body contact before.. not like this. The contact I had is better to be forgotten.

It's not because I can't stand to be touched, I just never really had the experience or the opportunity. In my childhood I was seen as a freak or monster and before I could make friends and socialize or learn I was … well killed, simply put it that way. Now this man … Tsuzuki was willing to be that learning experience I missed, though maybe this wasn't really called learning anymore.

As I pull my hand away from Tsuzuki's chest he grabs my hand with his own and places it on his chest and puts his hand on mine while I touch him for the first time. When he slowly takes his hand away I don't pull away I keep looking at my hand as I'm touching his chest. He is much warmer and softer then I expected. I feel his rapid heartbeat, it's almost as fast as mine. I move my hand a little over his chest towards his nipples and remember what he had done with mine. As I touch them gently I feel the one I'm touching going hard. And I feel Tsuzuki react to it. His breathing stopped for a bit but he let's me explore his body for a while. Then he grabs my hand and lifts my face and kisses me passionately. I open my mouth to let him in but I put my tongue in his mouth this time and start to explore his mouth as he did mine. It becomes our longest and , embarrassing to say, our best kiss of that night.

He slowly pushes me back on the bed while we kiss and he lets himself lay on top of me. But he is not letting his full weight fall on me. He is mostly supporting himself with both his hands. We kiss for a while, while I hold him a little and move my hands over his back.

Tsuzuki is caressing my cheek with one hand as he leans on the other. He slowly moves to my nipples, chest, side, stomach, bellybutton, and eventually my cock. The pulsing that had left comes back immediately and I break our kiss and gasp deeply as his thump starts playing with the tip. I feel fluids coming out of me and he uses the wet stuff playfully for god I can only guess what reason. I keep moaning constantly and keep my eyes closed while breathing deeply. Tsuzuki moves his hand up and down over my throbbing cock, he starts slowly but eventually starts moving faster and faster building up speed gently.

My mouth and eyes shoot open and a very weird un describable moan leaves my lips. It almost feels like stuttering and breathing at the same time.

I feel my hips making movements of their own. I notice I'm reacting to Tsuzuki's touch automatically. He is looking at my face. "Your so gorgeous Soka" He tells me and his voice is full of admiration and love. I can feel it flow into me as Tsuzuki keeps pumping his hand up and down on my still shivering and pulsing cock.

Then suddenly without a warning he bends down and puts my stiff, pulsing lid in his mouth. I let out a moan and push my head back in the pillow with all my strength and my hips ache upwards a little. A loud moan escapes from my mouth. It's making me insane, I move my hand towards Tsuzuki till I reach something and feel his hair. The other hand of mine is still being held by him. I keep moaning as he sucks me it's so hot in his mouth. His tongue is licking me as if he licks an ice cream but the feeling I'm getting out of it is define.

The he touches only the top of my erection and I feel like sinking through the bed. I scream out his name but not as I normally do. What I'm screaming is only a part of his name. "Suki" He looks at me and smiles sucking me again but he is putting me deeper in his mouth. His only free hand moves towards my balls and he starts caressing them as he sucks me off. It doesn't take me long to feel a weird sensation going through me. I try to warn Tsuzuki something is wrong and he has to stop but he ignores it. "Just let it come Soka" He says as he keeps sucking on me and moving my balls in his hand. I can't stop the feeling from bursting out of me and I feel my self ejecting in Tsuzuki's mouth.

( Ejecting is a fancy word he taught me after wards).

Tsuzuki swallows everything till the lost drop as I came in his mouth.

He sits up looking at me as I'm breathing rather fast and deeply. I look at him as well and smile to him as good as it goes. "You taste wonderful Soka" He says his eyes shining with pleasure.

"Baka" I say but there is no harm in my words. I find it hard to deal with his remarks like those. How on earth am I supposed to react to that?

I sit up, pull him close and kiss him as I push my tongue in his mouth, but only for a short moment. I pull away from him and cough. "Liar, It's disgusting. How could you have swallowed that?"

"It's not disgusting Soka, it's like honey to me" And he kisses my cheek. I can feel my cock go soft or limb or give it a name back to normal perhaps. And apparently so did Tsuzuki. Cause he suddenly starts grinning at me.

"We're not done yet Soka" He says and he moves his hand to my hip and starts massaging it from inside of my leg to the outside.

"There is more?" I flap out not realising how stupid that sounded. Tsuzuki nods then he puts his hands on own underwear and pulls it down slowly.

I focus my eyes on him and as his cock is released it looks painfully hard. I can see it pulse. Without asking I sit up a little and reach out my hand and touch it carefully. My mind is totally focused on that moment and my eyes are observing it. It's thick and warm I can feel the pulsing of his erection in my hand. As joy to my ears I hear Tsuzuki pant and moan as I'm touching his erection. After a few minutes he takes my hand away. "That's enough Soka" He says and walks away of the bed and towards his pants somewhere in the room.

I look at him questioning wondering if I have done something wrong. Then he walks back to the bed and pushes me down with one hand. Tsuzuki kisses me and puts a pillow under my back and ass. I look at him wondering but he isn't going to explain his actions. He then spreads my legs carefully and looks at me with a grin on his face.

I start to get an erection again from only meeting his gaze and feeling it travel over my body. He brakes eye contact and bends down between my legs and kisses my penis. After only a few kisses and licks and some fumbling I'm as hard as I was before. He pushes my legs a bit further away from each other and looks at me.

"I'm going to prepare you Soka" He says as he looks into my eyes. "Prepare?" I ask not understand what he is referring to and at the moment I'm not sure I even want to know. "For what?" I ask a bit scared.

"To receive" He says simply. Like that is explaining anything to me I still don't understand what he means with that.

Tsuzuki puts his index finger in his mouth licks it and then slowly moves it to me. I follow his finger with my eyes when he touches my ass and he gently pushes his finger in I clearly understand his intentions. "Your kidding?" I say to him and look scared "You mean to put that in to me" And with that I refer to his huge cock. I wiggle a bit as he penetrates me with his finger. Oh god this feels weird. He simply nods.

I try to move away a little "Your insane it wont fit, it'll hurt like hell" I'm still scared "I'm not a girl Suki" I say to him but I think it's clearly useless to state that for he knows that all to well by now. I start to get panicked and he looks at me. "I know your not a girl Soka, and it wont hurt, only a little in the beginning. That's why I'm doing this so that it wont hurt" He says calmly and caresses my face. "I'll be gentle and careful" He says "You said I could do as I wanted. I love you this much Soka, won't you let me, are you going to reject me now?" He looks at me with his calm gaze and smoothing words.

I look at him I don't like pain I like to feel good as before but I don't dare to tell him that. I don't want to say it. I did say he could do what he wanted but I never thought he could wanted this now could I? His finger is still inside me but it's not moving as he waits for me. It feels so weird, very weird. I don't know what to do so I only nod towards him put my head down and close my eyes.

He pulls his finger out of me and I hear him open something. Not long after the finger is back inside me. "It's cold!" I say and try to pull away from him "What are you doing?" I say as I look at him.

Tsuzuki holds me "Calm down nothing is happening. It's lube it'll warm up soon enough" Tsuzuki reassures me and shows me the bottle. He starts moving his finger and I hold on to the sheets I squeeze my legs and inside "Don't tense up on me Soka, just relax". I lay down. Just relax how can he say something like that in a time like this. Not long after I feel his second finger being pushed inside me. I start moaning again it's stupid but I start to feel good from what he is doing right now. Shit I feel weird. Crap it still feels weird having something you can't control move strangely inside you though it's something enjoyable at the same time as well.

I move my hips again and Tsuzuki adds a third finger. Pain shoots through me and I close my eyes. He keeps pushing till all three fingers are inside me, he gives me some time to adjust to the pain and the feelings before he starts moving them in and out and move then individually. The pain is still there but because his touches me from the inside out a new sensation much more intense then the pain, I can relax a bit and even start to enjoy it.

After a few minutes he decides I'm ready and pulls his fingers out of me. I cry a little he does so. "Don't be afraid Soka" He says gently and kisses me. I open my eyes and look at him and nod. Then Tsuzuki touches himself as he rubs that cold stuff on his erection. When he is done he places himself between my spread legs and positions himself against me. I feel him pushing against me already and slowly he puts the tip in the place he wants to enter. "Don't be afraid Soka" He says again and looks at me "Just relax". Easy for him to say how on earth can I relax in this situation I am afraid, and I am scared can't he see that?

Then suddenly he pushes more violently and starts to penetrate me with his enormous cock. I cry out as pain surges through my body. He hasn't gone in far yet as I yell him to stop.  
"Stop!, Stop!" I cry and tears run from my eyes "It hurts, It hurts so much, your breaking me pull it out.. Suki pull it out" I beg him but he doesn't pull out at all.

"The heads already inside Soka just relax a little bit it'll start to feel good really soon" He slowly pushes in further and I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out. When he is finally inside me I can clearly feel him against me and in me. He stopped moving and looks and me with fright on his face. My face looks painful, I have slammed my jaws shut on each other and I feel tears rolling over my face. I'm breathing fast and deeply through my nose. Even though my eyes are closed I'm still crying.

Tsuzuki kisses my tears away and then gently kisses my lips to help me relax and amazingly it's working.

Tsuzuki feels me relaxing and my grasp of the bed sheet starts to be lesser and lesser. "Are you alright Soka?" His purple eyes and voice are full with concern. I can see it when I eventually open my eyes and look at him. I sniff and cry but I nod to him not trusting my voice to say I'm alright.

Tsuzuki kisses me again gently and smoothing "Then I'm going to move" He warns me.

I nod again and watch him. Tsuzuki slowly pulls out, it almost feels as if its completely out of me when he starts pushing it back inwards. I close my eyes again and grab the sheets as pain surges through my body again. It hurts like hell I think sadly but as Tsuzuki keeps moving and times moves on as well I'm starting to feel it less. The pain starts to ebb away and the new feelings I get in return I have to admit that I like it. Even when Tsuzuki starts to build up speed and rhythm I'm still liking it. Tears keep filling my eyes but the pain is slowly released with pleasure. Suddenly he touches something inside of me that puts my whole body on fire and an extremely powerful tingling travels through my body. I let out a big, loud moan again I'm not able to stop it.

Tsuzuki smiles. "I found it" He bends forwards and kisses me deeply while he keeps pushing in and out of me.

"Found…. What?" I ask through the kisses and the breathing.

"Your G-spot" He says and I hear him smiling.

Then he moves on faster again now and then hitting that G-spot he mentioned. Not long after he started I feel that my release point is coming soon. I open my eyes and look at him.

"Suki …. I'm going to come" I say puffing and moaning heavily.

Tsuzuki nods "So am I"

Tsuzuki keeps pushing in and out a few times more and puts his hand on my stiff cock again and starts massaging it as he did before. I feel my ejection point creeping up closer and closer I come to my release point. My heart beats so fast that I'm afraid I might die from this, but then again it's a good thing I'm already dead.

My cock starts to tingle as it did before when I came for the first time. I feel the inside bursting out of me as I eject and feel the sticky stuff land on my chest and other parts. Almost immediately after I came so does Tsuzuki and I feel him release his juices inside me. I can feel it touch my insides. He stops moving and we both cry out in the same time. Tsuzuki slowly let's himself fall on top of me his is bigger and heavier then I had thought but for now I don't care.

I wrap my arms protectively around him and close my eyes. We are both exhausted, tired but happy and content.

After a few minutes Tsuzuki pulls himself out of me gently and let's himself roll of off me and lays on his back on the bed. His head is next to mine.

"I love you Soka" He whispers in my ear. I smile as I hear it "I … think…" I start but I stop and say it again. "I love you too Suki"

Tsuzuki smiles "Arigatou Sokachan" He nuzzles his face in my hair and kisses my neck as he can reach it.

After our breathing is slowed down and a little back to normal Tsuzuki stands up. "Where is your bathroom" He asks me. I open my eyes and look at him. I suddenly notice I had nearly fallen asleep. "First door on your left" I replay as I look at him and try to get up a little but I have no strength left in me anymore to do so. He leaves and soon he comes back with water and towels. He starts cleaning me up including my ass and I'm very grateful for that. He also removes the pillow from under me and then gets back in bed. He wraps his arms around me and pulls the blanket over us.

I fall asleep almost immediately while Tsuzuki holds me.

As the following morning arrives I wake up early as I always do.

I hear someone sleeping right beside me and for the first in my life I feel warm and safe while waking up. I see Tsuzuki's sleeping face and his arm is still wrapped around my waist.

I push the blanket away to look at myself and find us both naked in my bed.

Oh my god we really did it? That wasn't some sick dream I had. It wasn't a dream at all it was real. I sit up straight and I'm immediately reminded of how real our last night activities where.

My hips, back and ass are killing me. Tsuzuki wakes up from me moving around and he smiles at me "Ohaiyou Sokachan" He says and pulls me back on the bed and covers me with the blanket.

"What's that smell?" He asks me. He is still sleepy.

I look around and sniff but I smell nothing weird.

"I guess that's the smell of 7.A.M in the morning?" I say not knowing what else it could be that he mend with that.  
"To early" He complains and puts his head under the blankets and pulls me along with him as he does so and gently kisses my neck.

"I love you Sokachan, you should sleep more" He mumbles and I feel he is more likely sleeping then awake.

I don't really mind staying in bed because everything hurts.

"I love you too Tsuzuki" I say back to him .

He opened his eyes to my surprise and looks at me "Back to being Tsuzuki ne?" He asks me and I feel hurt from his words.

I start blushing "I liked my new name better Soka" He adds.

"I love you…. Suki" I say as I hope it pleases him better.

He smiles so I guess it is better. "Sukichan" He says playfully and I can't help but smile.

"Hai Sukichan" I say and he pulls me closer against him. We lay like this for a while till and I start to talk cause I'm not sleepy at all anymore. "Ne Sukichan last night you said you where happy I was dead, do you remember?" Tsuzuki answers my question with only a humming sound.

I think that means a yes.

"Why?" I ask him curiously.

"If you weren't dead I would have never meet you" He said simply as if it wasn't obvious enough.

"I'm happy you died and I got to meet you here" He adds and I smile and look at him.

"Sukichan?" I ask him again and again he answers with a hum.

"That stuff you used last night on me why did you have that with you?" I keep looking at him he has his eyes closed still.

"Ulterior motives" He says without thinking or pushing the question away.

"From the first time I meet you I wanted to do this with you, so I thought it would come in handy someday. That's why I kept it with me always". He moves a bit and kisses my lips. "No go to sleep Soka" He says and places his head near mine.

I turn red but am glad to hear this as well. I lay my head on his shoulder and he cuddles me willingly. "Sukichan?"

"Hai" he answers this time.  
"You lied to me" I say to him as I listen to his steady heartbeat

This time he opens his eyes and looks at me a bit puzzled.

"When did I lie to you?" He asks clearly not remembering.

"You said last night it wouldn't hurt, but it did and it still does" I look back at him being al serious.

"Gomen Soka. I couldn't stop myself" He says in his defence.

"I'll treat you as a king today okay? I'll do anything you want me to do, after we sleep a bit more" He says as he closes his eyes.

I smile and shake my head.  
"Okay but next time you better be gentler with me" I say and kiss him gently. He kisses me back and then replies happily.

"So there is going to be a next time?"

闇の末裔, _Yami no Matsuei_ – (Un) Wanted Visitor

The End.

© ShimaSoka 2008

Present to my TOMODACHI DAILYCHAN

Finished for the first time 21/06/08


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